This one is going to hurt a little, but in the absence of being able to talk to you anymore, I’m putting this out there on here. You may well never see it, and that’s ok, but if you ever do, there are a few things I want you to know.

Thank you. Thank you for coming into my life like an unexpected, wonderful, all-consuming hurricane. Thank you for becoming my days and my nights. Thank you for the 3am conversations and the midnight walks, huddled together in the biting cold. Thank you for bringing out a side in me which I thought would remain dormant for a long time. Thank you for your openness, and for allowing me to be entirely honest and open with you. Thank you for listening to my fears and sharing yours with me. Thank you for trusting me, and for making me feel safe with you. Thank you for calling me your woman, and for being my man. Thank you, above all else, for being my island of calm in an ocean of madness.

But things have changed now, and this is my way of processing it. I don’t think things could have carried on as they were. I was starting not to recognise myself, and in the end even reminding myself of how we had been, and in fact, how I’m sure we still are when you take away the respective difficulties we faced individually in the last few weeks, wasn’t quite enough, especially once your mind was made up.

All the wonderful things you said to me, all the wonderful things we said to each other, will stay with me for a long time. I may never have the chance to look into those brown eyes again, but I’m grateful for all the times that I did. If I had known what was to come, I would have gazed a little harder, held your hand a little tighter, kissed a little slower, and laughed a little longer when we were together.

One more thing- it’s not my place anymore (if it ever really was, I don’t know), but I wanted to give a little bit of advice going forward. Don’t go back, at least not yet (you know what I’m referring to). Take some time to find your happiness on your own. Establish yourself. Get settled. And when the time comes, you’ll know which direction is the right one to go in. This new chapter in your life doesn’t have to echo your old one. You deserve to be immeasurably happy, and I believe that you will be.

I’m a believer that the best is yet to come, and while that may not include each other in our journeys, thank you for brightening mine along the way. I don’t know if you’re hurting too, maybe I’ll never find out, but I will cherish what we had, even for the brief time we had it.

Take good care of yourself.

Your Char x


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